she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
