I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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