I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
