im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
