The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
