What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
