if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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