so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
