My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
