He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
