PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
