why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
