Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
