we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
