Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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