Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
