See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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