i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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