Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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