I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have post one night stand depression
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
