he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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