Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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