Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i've created a new STD.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
