VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
