this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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