so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
