I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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