Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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