it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
