Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
