What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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