Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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