Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
