Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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