You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
