Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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