So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the day after is always just damage control
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
