im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
