If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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