Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
