they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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