Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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