Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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