I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You're like the curious george of whores
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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