His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
