Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
