Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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