I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
