sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
