Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
