the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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