Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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