Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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