the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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