Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
