Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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