I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
