This is not my ceiling
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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