Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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