i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
