I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
