i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
