It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
