we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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