Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
