worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
