I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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