If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
